Wonder and Awe

It’s always surprised me that my strength of Beauty and Excellence was not more prominent in my VIA Strengths Survey. As a leader I would often ask my team/s what I should do more of, less of, and differently and I always appreciated the feedback I received. It was an opportunity to grow, which is what feedback should be. My team agreed that I did appreciate beauty and excellence but I didn’t stop often enough to do it. So here we are, not post COVID- 19, but we are post iso and we are living in the new norm. So, in this space I have been thinking about what we might have appreciated about this time?

Appreciation

I appreciated the enforced pause, not the cause of the pause, and not in the first few days or even couple of weeks, but I have definitely appreciated the pause. Even though I would consider myself busy during iso, continuing to work from home and supporting my family and others as best I could, I did have more time than usual. I didn’t even feel guilty about not being “busy” 24/7. The photo above is from my garden and it demonstrates stages of growth and decay. I noticed much more during this time, especially about nature. I have always loved being with children and respected them, now I realise how often they enabled me to pause and practice wonder and awe. They are fascinated by ants, flowers, rainbows, light, the sound of a dog barking and a siren. They see for the first time, and they enable us to reacquaint ourselves with what we might have taken for granted. Iso afforded me this new opportunity, and I plan to sustain it. I appreciated time, time to be, time to pause, and more time with some members of my family. I really struggled with less time with other members of my family and friends though.

What did you appreciate at this time?

Struggle

I missed physical contact with family and friends. Connection is critical for wellbeing and I struggled with connecting on screens, more than physically. I found it hard when people avoided me in the street, even though I knew it was right and they were being caring. I missed connection.

What did you struggle with?

Learnings

Nature, exercise and connection are very good for wellbeing. I set up habits, walking and exercising consistently, more reading, and making a phone call each day to someone who I hadn’t spoken to for a while. I cooked more, and enjoyed being at home but I’ll be honest it was getting harder towards the end, and I was pleased when the restrictions began to lift.

What did you learn?

Now

We may or may not be ready for goal setting but I know if I don’t reflect now, hold onto what matters most, and set some goals for action, I may miss this precious opportunity.

In summary

• What did you appreciate during our isolation time? 

• What did you struggle with?

• What have you learnt?

• What is your hope for the future? 

• What are you going to do to ensure your appreciation, struggles and learnings become positive directions for you, your family, your workplace and for humanity?  

A final wondering- How are we going to continue building and maintaining agency for our personal wellbeing and for humanity?

Transitions

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about transitions. Safe, positive and calm transitions, from space to space, conversation to conversation, role to role, meeting to meeting, expectation to expectation, and now through the easing of the COVID-19 restrictions. Our days and lives consist of a series of transitions so it’s important to transition well. Some years ago, a wise colleague introduced me to the concept of Thresholds, a place for entering and leaving, a way in, sometimes an invisible boundary. He explained to me that silent boundaries can speak to us and suggested that by noticing them, and making them visible to others, we can positively contribute to wellbeing and performance. Crossing these Thresholds is an opportunity to pause and think about mindset, energy, and the value we can bring to our interactions.

Self-confidence and self-belief help, and to be honest we may feel less confident, or even have significant apprehensions about this new normal context. So, the concept of Compos Sui, Master of Oneself, may be beneficial especially at this time. We know that we can be master of our behaviours, thoughts and actions, and by doing this we can be the best version of our self. We cannot be responsible for the actions, thoughts and behaviours of others, although we can positively influence them. Each interaction will benefit from leaving behind any unhelpful emotions, stereotypes or extraneous thoughts which are not relevant.

So, how do we transition well? What energy and strengths can we bring? Perhaps a few deep breaths, a kind act, a smile and a thank you. Being present, interested in others, asking what has gone well for them, how they are feeling, listening to the joys and the struggles. By resourcing self and others with positive emotion we can lift into new spaces with mindsets that are open, ready and respectful. This begins with awareness of the Thresholds we are approaching, the transitions we make, the emotions we feel, and acknowledging the contribution we can make to others. Accepting that all emotions are valid, although all behaviours are not. It’s okay to have and share emotions, name them and be self-compassionate. Tuning in to our inner self enables us to be our best self, and to contribute to the wellbeing of others in such a powerful and empowering way. It takes time and practice, less pivoting and more pausing, if only for a moment, before the next exciting opportunity for connection. I’m convinced it’s worth it, for us and everyone else around us.

Adapting to the New Norm

Living creatures adapt, and adaptability is a great strength. Most of us have adapted to isolation, physical distancing, working from home and the new norm context of COVID-19. We may not like it, but we have come to accept the context and the purpose. That does not mean it was, or is easy and it took some days and weeks to move through the stages of grieving when we were first managing the impact of the Corona virus. Disbelief and denial, anger, bargaining or negotiating, sadness, and finally some measure of acceptance. Having made it to a place of greater acceptance, we now find ourselves in a new context. We are able to see family and friends in small groups, schools are beginning to transition students back, we can play golf, train for sport in small groups and soon we can even watch some football. The stages and types of restrictions vary from state to state, but the gate that enclosed us has been left ajar. There are sure to be a range of unique interpretations, what may seem essential to one, isn’t to another.

So, given that it took us time to transition through the stages of iso and develop an understanding of why we should Stay Home, it will take time to transition to the new norm, bearing in mind the pandemic is not over. We will need to dig deep to build our confidence and adapt again. We didn’t love the crazy pace of life before COVID-19, and so while we transition it’s important to be kind and compassionate with self and others, curious about what we see, hear and most of all feel, accept all our emotions and sit with them. Supporting each other as we “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is not back to normal, just a little more normal. What does this mean for our children? I think it will take time, and trust is vital to adapt to life outside of the family and home again. Grazing all day, wearing relaxed clothes, parents as teachers of reading, writing and maths. Adapting to the routines and timetables at kindergarten and school, to expectations set by other adults, and children who are not siblings. Maybe it’ll be easier for some, but I suggest that they will need all our love, support and compassion to thrive and flourish. This new norm has parents leaving their children at the gates of Early Childhood Centres, unable to settle them as before. Little wonder some of them are anxious; their lives have been significantly impacted. Strong home school partnerships will be integral to this transition. Ask how your child is going. How the teachers are feeling? How you can help to shift some of their worries to wonderings. We all need time, patience and understanding, more stimulation and “newness” will be tiring, as greater effort and energy is required to navigate anything new. Adults too need to treat themselves with that same love and compassion. We can hug and cuddle the family we live with, do it often, read and tell lots of beautiful happy stories, engage in sensory play, mindfulness, music or anything that evokes safety, security and unconditional love. If you need any help with this please ask, the bravest leaders are those who ask for help. We are all situational leaders and parents are CEOs of the most important organizations in the world – FAMILIES.

Mathematical Language

We use words to describe, words to explain, words to solve problems, words to design. We play games like I spy with my little eye using the first letter of a word, yet we rarely ask a child to spy something with a right angle. We play Boggle, but rarely throw 2 dice and ask our children to add up the 2 numbers or subtract 1 from the other. We use a verbal linguistic framework in our interactions with children. We don’t think or speak of Mathematics as often as we should. There seems to be a time and place for it, on a computer, worksheet, counting in our everyday language or some specific Math work. All of which are valid and helpful, however if we pause and rethink we realize that Mathematics is everywhere in our world. We must model thinking mathematically, notice patterns, numbers, use problem solving and play board and card games. Highlight the Mathematics in shopping, gardening, building, experimenting, cricket, athletics, cooking, football, walking, designing and in play.

When your child reads a worded mathematical problem help them to deconstruct it by asking them what we know from the question. How many people were there? How far did they walk? Note this down and then ask them what operation they might use to work out what they don’t know. Will it be addition, subtraction, multiplication or division? Or do they need to use more than one operation.

When travelling somewhere ask them to read the map for you? Where do you turn, which way do you turn? How far do you go? Teach your children to read maps, decipher the Legend and look at the grids. Ask them if we have 80 kms to travel and we average 100 kms per hr how long do you think it will take us to get there? Show them how to read a weather map too?

Every business has a SALE at the moment, engage your children in your purchases, and ask them to do subtraction, addition and percentages. How much will we save off the total? Count with them in doubles, triples, in 7’s and 10’s, take away; add on, divide a cake or a bottle of drink into ¼’s or more. What about a foray into basic algebra, if "a" equals 4 and "b" equals 5 what will "a" and "b" equal? How old is Grandpa? When was he born? How old was he at the turn of the century? What is a century? How much older is Grandpa than Grandma? How old will he be when you are 10 years old?

When watching sport ask your avid cricket fan, how many more runs does the Australian XI need to make? Introduce Roman numerals. Mathematics is everywhere; we can find, explore and enjoy working in this very important discipline. Our responsibility both at home and at school is to focus attention on numbers, measurement, chance and data, and all mathematical aspects of life. By highlighting and talking mathematics we will be able to help every child to become more confident and able mathematical thinkers. It may take a little more effort on our part to engage children in Mathematics in our everyday lives but we will all reap the rewards.

Cognitive Load or Cognitive Overload

As an educator I’m very aware of Cognitive Load Theory and what that looks like in practice. In essence it is about optimising the load on working memory. When learning is difficult and concepts are complex, we should reduce the load on our working memory, and when the concept or information is easier, the load can be increased. If working memory is overloaded learning slows down, or can even stop. The human brain can only process small amounts of new information at any one time. Current research in the area of neuroscience tells us that most of our day we work from habits, and when we have to learn something new it becomes harder. You can feel the effort it takes to learn something new. It can be exciting, yet quite stressful, and it needs your full focus, which is really hard in these unprecedented times.

We know that developing a new neural pathway takes time, in fact it takes somewhere between 66-90 days to embed a habit. Right now in the midst of COVID-19 restrictions we are in a new learning zone most of the day. Now might be a good time to think about what we value, why we value it and how we can build good healthy wellbeing and learning habits. The problem is we are so overloaded that there is little space left. We need to be kind to ourselves. We are all doing an amazing job, each day is new and different, and it’s challenging. It’s okay to feel tired, to be a bit frustrated at times and to wish it could be different. It will be, this time will pass and, in the meantime, why not:

• Treat yourself with the respect you do others

• Think of everyone as a learner

• Focus on kindness and compassion for self

• Reduce your To Do List, prioritize it quite ruthlessly!

• Chunk tasks – work on fewer at a time

• Celebrate 3 Things that Went Well each day

• Engage in short Brain Breaks to reset and refocus, move, stretch, listen to some music, have a cuppa or healthy snack.

• Develop a timetable for the day for you and your family. Use it consistently to embed good habits, and remember to include what you need to do too. You matter!

• Use your Character Strengths to energise yourself and others. Why not visit this website https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register and do your Character Strengths Survey? There’s one for Youth too.

I Can and I Will Home Learning and Wellbeing

I have created an eBook of educational activities for 4-7 year olds, the seeds of which were sown by many of you. In the first few days that we heard about the changes to child care, kindergartens and schools, I had many parents contact me really worried about how to teach their children. I have the greatest respect for the role of parenting, and in this context of COVD-19 the challenges are greater. Having raised four children, working full time and studying, I know that parenting is the most rewarding, yet the most challenging learning curve we will ever embark upon. No two children are the same, we are unique beings flooded with emotions and hormones, growing in different contexts.  

You are and always will be your child’s parent, and you are not expected to create the same context that kindergartens or schools do. Please let that expectation go. However, you can teach your child/ren, and they can learn with, and from you. You teach every day and you are the most consistent and committed educator your child will ever have. This I Can and I Will eBook provides a range of evidence-based learning activities for young children as they learn through doing. Remember play is your child’s work. The more fun they have, the more wonder and awe they feel, the struggle they experience and the challenge they overcome creates deep learning. Lifelong learning. All great innovations begin with an idea, trial and error, mistakes, and lots of them.

In this I Can and I Will series there are 3 English, 3 Mathematics, 2 Science, 1 Humanities and 1 Wellbeing activity. There is a structure for each session, which if consistently applied will become a habit. Your habit, for your family. It will provide security and because it’s habituated, it will become easier. We’ve had less than a month of this new norm and already it feels different. Own it, make it your norm, focus on what you can do within the restrictions. The familiarity and close bond you have with your child is a huge positive, but it does make learning a bit harder. It’s natural that they will push the boundaries much more with you than they would a teacher at school, and many of you are trying to balance working from home as well. 

Take is slowly, just one activity a day. The slower and more self-regulated the learning process is, the more exploration of the content there will be and the deeper the learning. Deep diving into concepts will embed understanding. Enable wonder through asking lots of questions, and also provide opportunity for success. Look for the good, the strengths and what is right with your children, make it your focus. By building on what they can do, you can help them tackle and achieve the seemingly impossible. Strengths like Kindness, Teamwork, Love of Learning, Curiosity and Gratitude are very important and can guide your learning culture at home. 

Enjoy! Available for purchase through the Products page.

Example of one of the Science activities:

What is best about Human Beings?

Character Strengths are positive, you already have them and they can be developed through intentional conversations. By focussing on them we can counter our natural negative bias. I found last week being immersed in our first few, rather bleak autumnal days, and a list of tasks that seemed a bit overwhelming, that I was being overly critical. So I began canvassing for strengths, what was good, right and strong around me. No surprise that I found heaps!    

After canvassing and spotting strengths……what’s next? Enhancing them of course. Why not

·       Use one of your top strengths in a new way each day. Expand what you already have, what is already working and magnify it. Think about this strength. How has it helped you?

·       Another possibility that helps us appreciate the importance of our strengths, is mental subtraction – imagine if you couldn’t use your top strengths at all for a month. How would you feel? Why?

 ·       With friends, partners or colleagues try this exercise introduced to me by Ryan Niemiec in a workshop at the World Positive Psychology Congress in Montreal.

a)      Person A- exercises the Strength of Curiosity – by asking lots of questions

b)      Person B- the Strength of Self-Regulation – by taking a very slow deep breath before answering each question

a)      Person A- the Strength of Judgement -by engaging in some critical thinking about an aspect of their life

b)      Person B- the Strength of Love- by giving a gratitude response each time your partner speaks

a)      Person A –the Strength of Bravery – share something the other person doesn’t know about you

b)      Person B - the Strength of Social Intelligence – by responding to your partner with a social or emotional response

a)      Person A- the Strength of Kindness- think of all the kind things you wish to do for others

b)      Person B- the Strength of Leadership- How could you enable all your partner wishes for?

a)      Person A – the Strength of Zest- by demonstrating all that you hear in your body language  

b)      Person B- the Strength of Hope -What are your hopes for this day, week, year?

Debrief – Was it easy/hard – What was it like?

Some other suggestions include

·       Building Awareness

a)      Name a desirable strength

b)      Explore it – How do you use it? – In the past or present 

c)      Apply it – note 1 area in which you could use this strength more in your life

·       With a partner share top 3 strengths then share a recent admirable incident. What strengths did you call on at this time? Savour them by explaining and appreciating what worked, what was good, and what you could take from this experience to use again.

Positive reappraisal – strengths spotting in conversations

Speaker – share a current minor problem

Listener – label strengths you hear and give feedback about the thinking and problem solving so far

Now both – discuss the over/underuse /optimal use of strengths in this context.

Finally

·       Make list of your top 5 strengths, then alongside it your top 5 work tasks and in the final column explore the alignment between the two.

For example, top 5 strengths love, love of learning, fairness, teamwork, hope,

Top 5 tasks- write a newsletter, a report, develop a PowerPoint presentation for others and research current practice in human resources 

To write the newsletter about future education- tweak it slightly, and ensure it includes what I hope for in education- by thinking about how I can use my strengths already I feel more motivated

Research - no need to go further – love of learning- I’m in!

With a strengths lens – anything is possible. 

Why a strengths based perspective?

Everyone has strengths and knowing there are things you can do, and do well is motivating. This self awareness increases confidence and floods us with positive emotions, especially if our strengths are affirmed by others we respect. The more positive we are, the more we are open to new knowledge and learning. This is the essence of Barbara Fredrikson’s Broaden and Build Theory.

A strength is something we are good at and that energizes us. According to Petersen and Seligman we possess all 24 strengths, we can over do and under do them.  For example, a strength of Curiosity could range from disinterest, to curiosity or overdoing it by being a bit nosey! Ryan Niemec from VIA Institute on Character says that under use of strengths is a much bigger deal than over use, as it signifies wasted motivation, energy and fulfillment. You might like to complete the VIA strengths survey.  It’s a great way to build self-awareness and a fantastic conversation starter.

Alex Linley describes Realized Strengths as those we know and own, the ones we are using. Unrealized Strengths, those we are not using. Learned Behaviours, what we have learned to do but drains us and Weaknesses. I prefer to think of weaknesses as opportunities, those things that you don’t do well and they drain you. Optimizing our collective strengths enables us to achieve greatness. Think of the teams or partnerships you’ve experienced that have enabled extraordinary outcomes. Were you all the same or did you bring different strengths to the process? Life might be easier in the very short term if we were the same and agreed all the time, but no one would grow.

Once you have awareness of your strengths it’s possible to explore how and when to use them. Even more importantly it enables us to look at what we don’t do well, and to use the strengths we have, to grow our lesser strengths. What if the world were a little less focused on dwelling on what went wrong, and more on what went well? The most positive and productive aspects, our strengths, could then be transferred to the challenging areas of our life, enabling great achievements.  

An organization might have many innovative ideas but never be able to deliver them to market.  Perhaps they would benefit if they partnered their strength of innovation with teamwork, and brought in others to help them develop a process from design to delivery. These collective strengths would increase the outcome markedly. It all sounds quite easy don't you think? Next time I’ll explore practical ways to use strengths to add value to learning, leadership and daily life. 

Goal Setting - More than a New Year’s resolution.

The start of a new year brings with it excitement, anticipation and maybe some trepidation. It also brings a wave of goal setting advice. It might all seem a bit overwhelming and to be honest deflating when we consider the motivation, persistence and hope required for us to accomplish our goals. 

Some context for you- Goals are mental targets that guide human behaviour, and hope is a very enabling strength to optimise in goal setting. Hope Theory has three components; the goal setting itself, the pathways required to achieve them and the motivation to do so. High hope corresponds with academic achievement, performance, physical and psychological wellbeing and enhanced interpersonal relationships.

There are also a range of goals, and self-concordant goals are those which are intrinsically aligned with who we are and what we truly want to achieve. Self-Concordant Motivation emanates from our values and interests, and has an influence on our ability to sustain our goals and commitments.  So I am sharing some thoughts with you that may enhance your hopes and dreams and enable you to bring them to reality.

1.       The absolute key to goal setting is taking the time to decide what you really want? What inspires you? How important is this to you? Spend some time thinking about what you want, and why you want it. Perhaps brainstorm and then refine your list to one or two things that will enable you to achieve what you really want. Simple as this may seem, it isn’t because if it were really simple you would have done it by now!

2.       Be realistic and choose only 1 or 2 goals. Make them very specific and then ask. Is my goal possible to achieve? 

3.       What behaviours do I need to embed to achieve my goals? What do I have to do? What will be visible to others?

4.       How will I evaluate my progress?

5.       What is my timeline? Is it doable? Remember it takes at least 90 days to embed a new habit.

6.       Who is the “other” who can enable me to achieve this?   For example, if I want to go to the gym 3 times a week, who could I go with?   How can I sustain my commitment to this goal? 

Remember when setting goals be as kind and compassionate with yourself as you would be with someone else.  If your goal has emanated from your values and interests, it will be easier to achieve.   

Goal setting isn’t a new year thing, it’s a whole life thing. We set goals, plan pathways to achieve them, evaluate and then set new goals in an ongoing cycle throughout life.  Goal setting is a component of wellbeing, try and try again isn't always the best mantra for wellbeing. Try it, try again and if it doesn’t work, try a new strategy....   

Cultivating Gratitude

There is a science behind gratitude and researchers like Robert Emmons have proven that gratitude is good for our wellbeing. The benefits are endless and include improved psychological and physical health, self-esteem, sleep and increased empathy. It makes you feel good, others feel good and it doesn’t diminish your bank account. Now is as good a time as any to develop a gratitude mindset. There are a variety of ways to cultivate gratitude, I try to keep a gratitude journal although I'm a bit inconsistent, but one exercise I do every week, usually on a Wednesday night, is to either think of three things I am grateful for or to write them in my journal. I think or write about these in as much detail as I can, savouring my feelings of gratitude. In a busy week this becomes a thinking exercise and other weeks it’s a thinking and writing exercise. Flexibility is the key to most things in life and choice is motivating.   

However I want to share with you the best and most amazing gratitude exercise I have ever done. Half way through the first year of my Masters I was really struggling, working full time and it was the end of the semester. I had to read and edit over four hundred student reports, essay deadlines were looming and we were in the midst of winter, cold, rainy and bleak. I was studying a Master of Applied Positive Psychology, how could I be feeling this way? I decided to take control and create the conditions I needed to be more positive. I was going to write a gratitude letter every day to someone I was truly grateful for. I didn’t want to just say thank you, which is of course a wonderful thing to do I, I wanted to really explain why each of these people meant so much to me. This exercise usually suggests that you write one letter a week but I tend to throw myself into life so I chose five people at work and five family members and I was writing a daily letter. I went shopping for some beautiful notepaper, which was in itself a very positive experience because I love nice stationery. I sat down to hand write this heartfelt letter, on went the stamp and the letter was sent to each person’s home. I could have handed the letters to them but it is so nice to receive a handwritten letter in the mail, so very rare and special. At one point I worried that the men I was writing to might think a bit less of me, but I am a caring and kind person so I decided to just be me. I didn’t realise what a huge difference this simple gesture would make to them and to me. Each day I couldn't wait to get home to write another letter. Often I would receive a text that night from the recipient. Everyone responded in their own way with positive emotion, I had initiated a positive upward spiral. One older male took me aside after a couple of weeks and told me how much the letter had meant to him.  My leadership team and family noticed a change in me, I was more positive, energised and less fragile at this very busy time. I had thought I was masking my feelings so well but those close to me knew how much pressure I was feeling, and because they care about me this that was upsetting for them. My final letter was to my mother who has been my strongest critic and my guiding light, rarely giving me positive feedback but telling the world how wonderful I am. I walked into her room determined to read it to her and amidst lots of tears, mine and hers, I read her letter. 

What a learning experience this was, my next step is to focus on receiving gratitude graciously and not just brushing it off. No one brushed off my gratitude, they embraced it and treated me and my feelings with the utmost respect. I have my pen poised for 2018, I’m going to welcome the new year with a gratitude mindset, appreciating the abundance I have in my life. We all have much to be a grateful for, sometimes we just have to look a bit harder. Happy appreciating!